I finally bought bike stuff.

Let me re-phrase.

Richard ordered my bike stuff from Amazon, and I now finally have a bike pump, tire levers (and other misc. bike tools I’m unsure how to use), bike shorts (actually, more like padded undershorts to be used with regular shorts over them), and a bicycle maintenance manual since I insist on preparing for a longer bike ride but have no idea how to care for my bike (other than pumping the tires when needed and not riding over thorns).

The two most important items on the list for now: bike shorts (the padding is just weird!) and a bike pump.

When my bike went into storage during the move, the tires deflated. I’m still not sure why. By the time I got my bike out of storage, it was a little too late for cycling outdoors, so the bike has been sitting in the garage with flat tires. In the Tri-Cities, we had an electric air pump, good for any type of tire – car or bicycle – that I had used for my bike. That air pump was my in-laws’, so it didn’t make the move with us. Hence, the need for a pump of my own. I also needed a small pump I could take with me on rides, so that I could at least be prepared to inflate a tire if needed while on a ride.

I read the directions on the cardboard backing for the pump, then headed into the garage to pump the tires on my bike.

An hour later, I finally had both tires pumped.

Why did it take so long, you may ask?

First, I had left my bike hung on the hooks in the garage when taking the valve cap off the first tire. That cap ended up under the car and had to be retrieved. Then I realized my error and took the bike down. Then came figuring out how on earth I was going to get the pump attached. It has a flexible neck and a fold-out piece to hold down with your foot, which, to most normal people, would automatically mean putting the bike so the tire valves were at the bottom of the tire, but I tried attaching the pump with the bike upside-down, and the valves at the top (this rendered the foot piece useless). Once I finally figured out I needed the bike right-side up, I started trying to attach the pump so that it would lock onto the tire. That took me forever. I finally quit hearing hissing from the pump after it locked onto the Presta valve, and I started pumping.

After about 200 pumps, the tire was partially full, I was tired, and ready to move on to the next tire.

The next tire was the front tire, which I took off the bike, thinking this would make my life easier. For some reason, the pump would not lock onto the front tire valve. I finally opened the valve and slime came out (I have slime tubes on my bike), and I suddenly realized why it took 200 pumps on the back tire for it to only partially fill.

I forgot to open the valve for maximum air intake on the back tire.

Feeling REALLY dumb by this point, I wondered what numbskull thing I was doing wrong on the front tire that the dang pump wouldn’t lock on and pump air INTO the tire. I figured out I needed to hold the valve attachment from the pump at a bit of an angle for it to lock onto the front tire, and, magically, after a few pumps, the tire was fully inflated!

Then I re-did the back tire. I think all the pressure from the pumping before did something to the slime, because once I opened the valve, a surprising amount of slime came out. Each time I pressed the nozzle of the pump onto the valve, more slime would come out – finally, amid the slime, I was able to lock the nozzle and pump away. Again, only after a few pumps, the tire was full.

I re-attached the front tire, hung the bike back up, and saw my watch. Irritated, I found my husband and complained about my brainless actions, ending with, “YES, I KNOW, I was the one to choose this hobby!” Images of the bike tires being flat again in the morning (I don’t know if there are leaks in the tires) fueled my ire.

Deciding I was too grumpy, he told me I needed to sing a hymn so I’d be happy. Admittedly, that was not the response I was expecting! I finally sang the hymn he wanted me to sing, “Scatter Sunshine.” And I’ll admit I was laughing by the end of the second verse (which we had to look up online because neither of us really knew the words).

Ah, what a night!